Our Conversion Story: Part 3: The Wyoming Years

This is Part 3 and the final part of our story. In case you missed them, Part I is here and Part II is here.

I apologize in advance for the novel that this post has become! Also, apologies for the at times strong wordings. We mean them to be strong not harsh. We have all the respect for the various approaches to Christianity. These are but expressions of the struggles that passed through our minds along the way and currently.

            Wyoming has been a time of complete transition for us. We went from believing that a house church was the way to Catholicism. We both discovered passions in our lives that we had not previously seen. We also came to face some of our deepest failings including the depth to which we will go to avoid conflict and to please those around us.

            When we first arrived in Wyoming, we sought out a house church and then attempted to start one. After about five months of trying, we decided that we needed fellowship. We began “church shopping” in Laramie.

After a while of struggling, we decided to return to our former church home. It is a rather contemporary, non-denominational church and the type that we had grown wary of overall. We spent about four months there. We truly wanted to belong. However, we realized that no matter how hard we tried to, we would never be able to go back to non-denominational churches. We could no longer worship in such a setting. I might say casual as a word to describe it but words can tricky sometimes.

We turned a Southern Baptist church in town. We had no desire to change our theology just the way that we worshipped. We believed that a more traditional Baptist church would fit our convictions for worship while sticking somewhat closely to what we then believed theologically. However, this was when we hit a wall. After years of struggle, we were done. We were just done looking, done trying, and done serving all the while with smiles on our faces. We would go church perhaps once, at most twice, a month for next four months. We were at our end.

Late January of last year (2013), we discovered a house church organization in Laramie. We felt again the beauty and the fellowship that can come from such an approach. It was soon, however, that we realized it was merely our feelings and not our intellect that were involved. After a month, we attended an orientation so to speak. This was the moment that it all began to click. Years of struggle and thoughts just in shadow too thin to grasp began to appear.

We listened as they explained their theology to us. They stressed how centuries prior Luther had reformed the theology of the church but he had failed to reform the context. This organization believed that God had ordained for them to reform the context. It was the second reformation. For about an hour, this sounded wonderful to us. These people genuinely believed God had called them to this and that the church is meant to look as five verses (Acts 2:42-47) in the Bible explain it to be. After the hour, a pit began to grow in our stomach.

How could a small group of people claim that for nearly 2000 years Christianity had been getting it wrong? 2000 years including people who had dedicated their entire lives to God. God does use ordinary people to reform his church but what makes them so special that they have were the first to figure this out? And were they saying that the Church was corrupted by the very generation discipled by the Apostles (as there is evidence of some Catholic customs that early)? Then we realized, is not that what every individual Christian does? We all have our own personal religion and the Holy Spirit tells each individual the exact truth. We seek out support. We fill our homes with books written by those who agree most closely with our interpretations of Scripture. Yet, the Holy Spirit seems to be telling different people vastly different things. Have you ever noticed how people can spend so much time with God and yet believe completely different things about theology? Mark and I realized that we were arrogant. Arrogant to believe that despite the relatively little amount of time we spent with God (compared to people who might spend years translating the Bible or pray for five hours a day), we had been chosen to have the right answer. Yet, even if God did choose lay people or this generation to finally see the truth, who is to say that it was our truth or our experience with the Holy Spirit that was the right one? Are not others just as strongly dedicated to seeking God and coming away with different answers? Who are we to assume we have the answers? It is a very culturally driven point of view to think that we have the solution to everything.

We also began to struggle with the idea that church could be based on five verses in the New Testament. Yet, seemingly ignore the numerous verses in the Old Testament in which God had demanded reverence or organized worship. Mark will speak on this idea specifically later this week.

Unfortunately, this did not lead us instantly to the Catholic Church but to frustration and despair. We spent close to two months going to no church at all. I do not believe that there has ever been a darker time in our faith. In fact, I believe we both nearly lost it. Nothing made sense. How could Christianity be true? If the Holy Spirit was real, if God was real, then why did everyone disagree so vehemently about what He told them in the Scriptures? We began to notice during this time the Scriptures on unity. Jesus and Paul called for unity again and again and we stand here debating things that at times have frankly about two verses to support them one way or another. During this several month period, we ranged from anger at the current state of the church to doubting if Christianity was true at all because of all the petty fighting amongst its followers.

These are the things that led us first to the Catholic Church. Reverence and unity. We decided to go, just for one Sunday, to see if there might be some truth. That Sunday changed our lives. It was as if years of weight were lifted from our shoulders. There is only one way that I can describe it. While following along with the beautiful liturgy, I felt a stream running through my soul. For years, it had been dammed with sticks and logs and mud but that morning, the dam released. I felt the living waters of Jesus rushing through. I was freed. Mark had a similar reaction. He said that most of all, he felt at home.

We sought to be open at this point in the journey. We told many people that we were considering Catholicism. We began RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). However, we soon got scared. We got scared because we realized how much of a departure from all that we had known this would be. We got scared because people kept reminding us of all the reasons that Catholics were wrong or believed heresies. We did not take the time to hear from Catholics about what they really believed in these areas nor did we take the time to consider we might not fully believe what Protestants said. We decided it was too much of a risk after about two months. Having gone to the Catholic Church for solely the purposes of reverence and unity, it was still too easy for us to walk away when things got difficult.

After experiencing a liturgical service, we could never go back to another style. In fact, we tried to one week and ended up walking out. It was then that we considered the denominations. We ruled out many because they seemed too easily influenced by the world around them in order to get greater numbers.  We picked the Lutheran Missouri Synod Church in town and we spent the next seven months there. It contained the liturgy but we were not challenged by any of the theology. It was as if the denomination allowed us to be as close to Catholic as possible, without rocking the boat too much with our Protestant friends and family.

We really tried to convince ourselves and everyone around us during this time that we were sold on being Lutheran. We wanted to stay Protestant. It made it easy because now Mark could be in ministry again. It made it easy because though a few people gave us some grief about the infant baptism, most people seemed to respect our decision. It seemed the perfect compromise. Everyone around us was happy and we still got the liturgy at least. However, it only took a few months for us to feel the strain of ignoring our conscience.

Mark and I each struggled in our different ways with lying to ourselves. For nearly all of the time, we did not even realize it. It was not until early December that we became aware. It is funny how trying to please others so hard for so long can lead to you hiding the truth from even yourselves. During one early December quiet time, it all flooded in. Had we been right to walk away? We had not even given the other side a chance. It did not change anything immediately but the doubts were planted.

While in Florida for the holidays, we met with Catholic convert friends and asked them of their experiences and their struggles. They suggested several books and gave us things to think about. We attended Mass and realized how much we had missed it. We were still not certain. However, we decided that this time we would look at it alone.

Some have questioned that decision. However, let us make this clear. We did not need to hear the reasons why we should not be Catholic. We spent years listening to what Protestants had to say about Catholics, their theology, and why it was all wrong. From what we had seen about Catholicism at that time, it did not seem to be as heretical as everyone had told us. Yet, we had never given Catholics the chance to explain these issues to us. The few things that we had listened to them explain the previous spring (for example, infant baptism) had changed our minds. Why not listen to their side of the story? We wanted to give them the chance to explain without the pressure from the other side. We wanted the freedom to explore it with open minds. As we have the tendency to avoid conflict and please others, it was necessary for us to do so without any outside input. There is one Protestant couple with which we discussed our thoughts during this time for they had previously proven an unbiased ear.

We turned first to the Catholic books the Florida couple had recommended. We read specifically on issues like Scripture alone, Faith alone, Mary, the Saints, infallibility, and the Pope. We found that as we read, we agreed with the Catholics. We also found that there were Bible verses that we had never previously considered and for which no Protestant be it Baptist, non-denominational, or Lutheran explanation could satisfy us. It was that simple. As we listened to their side for the first time in our lives, we agreed with the Catholics.

So now, here we are. We are becoming Catholic. We are the happiest we have ever been in our faith. We have been led here through much pain and arrive at this place through much humility recognizing our failings along the way even into this process of discussing our conversion. We also come to this place with a sense of peace like none we have ever felt before. For the first time, we are completely honest with what we believe. We feel the freedom to embrace both religion and science and to recognize that there are holes in scripture alone. There are still things we are figuring out. However, we are confident in our decision and every journey is process.

We are happy to discuss questions. Mark will address many of the questions that have been raised to us in his blogging over the next few months. However, as we seek to do so in a respectful manner, we ask that you pose your questions in the same way. We have received much communication over the course of the last ten days. We appreciate all the love, concern, and prayers because we believe that is where it comes from. We appreciate most of all those who have chosen to voice concerns respectfully recognizing that Mark and I have always sought God through prayer and His word. We also recognize that we might have responded the same way as many have two years ago even a little over a year ago. One thing we would encourage for anyone who truly wishes to understand our decision or learn about the Catholic Church would be to read one of the following three books: What Catholics Really Believe by Karl Keating, Signs of Life by Scott Hahn, and Catholicism and Fundamentalism by Karl Keating (my personal favorite). Each of these books provides an overview of what Catholics have to say about the many misconceptions and misunderstandings Protestants have about their beliefs. Mark has even authorized me to say that if any are truly curious but unable to purchase or borrow these books, we will purchase one for you.

Mark and I have read extensively what Protestants have to say about what they believe and also what they have to say about what Catholics believe as we are sure many of you have as well. However, in considering an argument, should you not look at both sides? Is it really fair to say you understand Catholic belief when all you have read is what Protestants or angry former Catholics have written? Should you not listen to the other side’s position as they describe it? We do not expect that all or even any will come to the same conclusion as we did but we do hope that in considering it, we may become respectful of each other’s differences.

Mark will begin writing later this week from a newly converted Catholic’s view on theology. Feel free to interact with us and even suggest certain topics for us to discuss. We are new to this but if we do not know the answers, we will find out. We are happy to answer any and all questions that are expressed in a respectful manner (i.e. not with personal attacks or belittling us or our intelligence).

We have no ill will towards any Protestants and we have never met a Catholic that has expressed ill will towards Protestants either. However, this last week has exposed to us the hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) hatred that some Protestants have for Catholics. It is not Biblical, it is not loving, and it is based on so many misconceptions. We have also seen that some refuse to even consider or listen to another point of view. It grieves us. Many comments have been misunderstandings of Catholic beliefs and even personal attacks against us. We are so thankful for and appreciative of and aware of those who have approached this decision in a respectful way. Many Protestants are open to learning and for that we are grateful. We pray that in time all can come to accept our decision. We know that this has caused some distress. However, we felt it necessary to pursue that which we have seen and believe to be true. May God bless each of you on your journey with Him.